Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Guest Blogger: Anonymous On Why The Link I Sent Him Is Bullshit

I forwarded this link to a small group of my college buddies for the sole reason of trying to provoke some sort of argument that would inevitably devolve into a series of homoerotic jokes.  While I didn't really get the desired reaction, I did get this particularly strong take on the list of "100 Greatest One Hit Wonders Of The 80s" - I thought it was good enough to share.

My friend - who wishes to remain anonymous - writes:

This list is fucked. Allow me to explain...
I'm not about to say that Twisted Sister doesn't suck ballz, but they had at least two songs that got some airplay - so sucking is irrelevant when you can't be put in this particular box.  I think "Easy Lover" by the two Phils shouldn't count because both of them had crazy success in their respective genres.  One-hit-wonder means you popped up with a solitary song and then your career went absolutely nowhere...or you just up and died of AIDS (Jermaine Stewart) or Alcoholism (Stuart Adamson - Big Country) or a car crash (Falco...and why in the fuck is he not on this list?).  One-hit-wonder means you had ONE really popular song and never had anything else one the radar.  Dexy's and Soft Cell are are perfect examples: they had one single that hit big but otherwise there was nothing.
Chris DeBurgh should not be on this list because he had a song that got airplay with "Don't pay the ferryman." The Georgia Satellites had "Hippy hippy shake" (and Dan Baird had a pretty good solo album that got some play), The Outfield had a few songs do reasonably well on the charts and so that completely disqualifies them from onehitwonderdom.  
 
Others that don't qualify:
  • Clarence Clemons & Jackson Brown - success elsewhere
  • Fabulous Thunderbirds - had two songs
  • John Waite - had plenty of success both solo and with Bad English
  • Dead or Alive - had two songs
  • A-ha - had two songs
  • Cutting Crew - had two songs (that were top ten hits...wtf?)
  • John Parr - had two hits
  • Club Nouveau - two songs (and I don't pretend to have ever heard the other one.  I'm not THAT gay.  Ok, that's bullshit - I AM that gay...I went to Sur la Table today with three college girls and I spent $50 on a chef's knife while chatting with "Mark", who was nothing short of flamboyant, and I didn't feel the least bit uncomfortable.  I'm obviously a card-carrying queer. I did, however, compensate by going to a sporting goods store and buy some ammo.  HOWEVER, this compensation was eliminated because the sporting goods store name?  Wait for it...DICK'S!)  
I need to go watch Cabaret again.

+1 for the "Don't Pay The Ferryman" mention.  You have to dig deep for that one. Well done, my anonymous friend.  Well done.  Have a Bartles and Jaymes on me.

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